Hello and Welcome!!

~Seek first to understand, then be understood~
The Voices of PMDD series continues, moving into fall with posts about positive things people with PMDD can do to strengthen our relationships with our loved ones. We are all hurting, and if any of these posts can help you in any way to open up to your partner, or bring a new measure of peace into your relationship, then perhaps some healing can begin.
On the more analytical side, if you're looking for information on a particular topic, just type that word in the search box. You will then pull up all posts that include information on that subject, assuming the search box is working, which occasionally it is not. Sorry about that. I have no clue why that happens.

Monday, October 6, 2014

PMDD and Making Hard Choices, a Guest Post by Kit

In my Voices of PMDD series, we spent the summer of 2014 hearing from women with PMDD and their partners, through blogposts describing the struggles and challenges they face monthly.  Going into fall, I'd like to focus on some solutions various women with PMDD have found.  Since every woman's PMDD is different in the symptoms she feels and the severity of those symptoms, not every suggestion regarding relief will work, but I offer these posts in the hopes that something will strike a chord somewhere, and at least put you on the path to lessening your PMDD pain, be it physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual.

Today's guest post is written by Kit, and comes filled with great wisdom, and several positive choices for feeling better.  That said, here's Kit: 

Apart from feeling a little tense/dramatic during ovulation weekend and a little teary the day before my period began, this month has been so easy. My symptoms have been getting better over the last two years. When I look back to how badly PMDD used to affect me (3 out of 4 weeks), chronically suicidal most months, I just can't believe how it is now...

Here is how I choose to live now compared to before.


Chose boyfriends who didn't understand, sympathise, and had their own crazy issues going on — boyfriends I chose, so I'd feel less F'd up and—ironically—more equal.

Had friends that took from me and drained me because PMDD makes it hard to create continuity of self and therefore friendships can be tricky. So when they took, drained, and crossed boundaries ... I rolled with it—thinking I should be grateful for their friendship. 

Thought of myself as having this big secret from the world that I couldn't control and was ashamed of. I spent a fair amount of time thinking about what others would think, especially when I was ill.

Shut myself away for weeks on end to protect the life I had just spent weeks building again.

Tried hormonal medications, anti-depressants, and supplements, all of which gave me side effects and changed the flavour of the PMDD to the point of not being worth it.

Worked 9-5 in a high-powered job, with a boss with questionable ethics, which made me ill via the ethical distress and stress of my workload, while spending 4 weeks a month trying to be the same person every day.

Generally believed I couldn't make a change from any of these because it would be impossible. How could I maintain my relationships, jobs, family, etc. if I tried to change all the above?


I chose a partner with understanding, tolerance and, most importantly the willingness to co-manage my PMDD with me—what a difference that one makes!

I chose a partner who is as self-aware as I am when it comes to his own journey.

My attitude is : I am a good catch; if I get ill, I am ill, if my partner started to be unsupportive I would wait until I was in my good time, and then talk from a point of grounded logic, explaining that I need someone who can give me support and understanding and that's what I deserve and if that's not him, he can leave now. 

I now offer Zero Tolerance to anyone who's going to risk making me ill by their own silliness.

I now only have friends who respect my boundaries; I phased out those that didn't.  It wasn't easy but, wow, has it made a difference in my life and in my PMDD.

I no longer have a 'secret' but I don't choose to tell others unless we're close ... I tell them what PMDD is but don't go into details. I don't care what others think. I know what I have, I know it is real. I do not need to communicate it, or hear their acceptance to accept myself. I have worked hard on accepting myself as I am, PMDD and ADHD warts and all, using the Strong Notes app.

I am still careful about planning social occasions around my bad times. I don't feel badly about saying 'No' — it's what I have to do to be kind to myself. Unnecessary stress that you choose to opt out of, no matter what others may think, can reduce your PMDD symptoms.

I am on Methylphenidate for my ADHD, and so far taking a really low amount, but it works wonders with my ADHD and could be having an effect on my PMDD, too. I would love for others to try it and see how it quiets the inner thoughts and mind tumble dryers we all get stuck in during PMDD mode. 

Using an app called Strong Notes, I send myself accepting/loving messages from my 'well self' to read on my bad days, feeding my strength back to myself on days I can't access it from within.

I have separated my 'well self' from my 'ill self' in my mind so I don't brand the 'true well me' with an ill tarnish. It helps to be sympathetic to my 'ill self' when well, and remember my 'well self' when ill. 

This is so important : I now identify when ill that how I'm feeling is real and not just my imagination.

I quit my ego stroking 9-5, 4 weeks a month job to pursue another working model that allows me to be ill when ill and kick ass when well.

I sought help from a mental health charity that supports people trying to make life work for them while struggling with a mental health problem. Successfully got a government business loan to start a business. I was honest about the PMDD and it was never even brought up as an issue.

I now believe that I am worth drastically changing my life for. I don't put myself in situations where I am stressed, and in turn my PMDD is at rest rather than flared up. I still know it's there but it's controllable.

I've read and live by Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now.

I eat foods with high nutrients but also still eat crap (sugar, etc.) when I want to, and for me it makes no difference. Food diets aren't ever as impactful as emotional diets in my opinion.

Signed up for all business/mental health support organisations to have mentors to keep me on track and to keep reminding myself that I am worth the hassle.

This is all just one story but I thought I would share it with you in case any of you are feeling ready to go on an emotional diet, too, or should I call it a MIND DETOX. I stayed in bad situations, feeling like a victim, for too long. I missed out on my teens and twenties for sure, but I am no longer going to be a victim to society's views, or the acceptance of others. 

I have PMDD. It means I must live accordingly. I choose to make my life better by taking the actions needed to protect and progress myself.

Love to you all.  I know we know each other's darkness all too well. I hope some of this helps.

K xxx

Friday, September 26, 2014

Mesothelioma Awareness Day 2014


1. a malignant tumor of the covering of the lung or the lining of the pleural and abdominal cavities, often associated with exposure to asbestos.

Today I'm going to help a friend raise awareness for a little known form of cancer that anybody (not just PMDD women) can develop that has a nearly zero percent survival rate.  That's right...zero.  This is serious, ladies, and we need to understand just how serious it is.  I can't think of a better day to do this than the 10th Annual Mesothelioma Awareness Day.  

Yes, mesothelioma, aka meso, which can be contracted simply by breathing the air around you—assuming that air has something in it called asbestos.

Asbestos.  We heard a lot about it a few decades back, how dangerous it is, how you should never breathe it in.  But since it was semi-sort of banned in the late 1970s we haven't heard much about it at all, except maybe on television ads for attorneys. 

Why haven't we heard about it?  Did it go away?  No, it just slipped under the radar, overshadowed by more visible threats to our health, especially those with a stronger presence in social media.

Because at present, only 2500 to 3000 new cases of meso are diagnosed per year.  Mere bullets compared to the big guns like breast cancer and heart disease.  But no less devastating to the families affected. 

And the number is getting higher each year, with diagnoses expected to peak in 2020. 

Why 2020?  Because mesothelioma takes a while to develop in your body.  30 to 40 years on average, which is why it is important to the men and women who read this blog.  If you attended grades K-12 at any time during the 1970s or 1980s, I am talking to you.

How does mesothelioma happen?  Have you ever been in a barn, or even your living room, when a shaft of sunlight streams through a window, and you see dust motes dancing in the air?  Teeny tiny particles too numerous to count, and you're breathing them in, bringing them into your body, into your lungs, with every breath you take.

(Asbestos is like that, only you can't see asbestos fibers, not without a microscope.)

We can't avoid these particles, short of perpetually wearing a mask, or holding our breath, so most of us just pretend not to notice anything but maybe how pretty the dust motes are.  We have to breathe, so what choice do we have?

None, but in some places, those teeny tiny particles floating through the air are toxic.  Innocuous places.  Places you'd never expect.  Like schools and homes and commercial buildings, especially those built before 1979.  Why?  Because the building and construction industries have used asbestos for ages for strengthening cement and plastics as well as for insulation, roofing, and fireproofing. The shipbuilding industry has used asbestos to insulate boilers, steam pipes, and hot water pipes. The automotive industry uses asbestos in vehicle brake shoes and clutch pads. Asbestos has also been used in ceiling and floor tiles; paints, coatings, and adhesives; and plastics.

Why?  Because it's chemical resistant and doesn't burn.  You can't destroy it, but it can destroy you.

In the late 1970s, the USA banned the use of asbestos in wallboard patching compounds and gas fireplaces because the asbestos fibers in these products could be released into the air during use. In 1989, the USA banned all new uses of asbestos; however, uses developed before 1989 are still allowed.

So asbestos is still not banned in the USA.  True, federal law requires that newly manufactured products contain no more than 1% of asbestos.  But how can you accurately measure 1% of something as teeny tiny as asbestos?  (If it's strong enough to keep a product from burning, it's strong enough to burn YOU—from the inside out.)

Here is some information (I gleaned) from www.mesothelioma.com and The National Cancer Institute: 
What are the health hazards of exposure to asbestos?  People may be exposed to asbestos in their workplace, their communities, or their homes. If products containing asbestos are disturbed (you know, broken, cracked, scraped, removed), tiny asbestos fibers are released into the air. When asbestos fibers are breathed in, they can get trapped in the lungs and remain there for a long time. (Like the rest of your life.)  Over time, these fibers can accumulate and cause scarring and inflammation, which can make it difficult for you to breathe, and lead to serious health problems (including death).

Asbestos has been classified as a known human carcinogen. Although a rare form of cancer, meso is the cancer most associated with asbestos exposure. It's the number one cause of Occupational Cancer, especially among the military.  That's right, veterans are at the greatest risk of mesothelioma, in particular those in the US Navy.  

In addition to lung cancer and meso, some studies have suggested an association between asbestos exposure and gastrointestinal and colorectal cancers, as well as an elevated risk for cancers of the throat, kidney, esophagus, and gall bladder.

Who is at risk? Everyone is exposed to asbestos at some time. Low levels of asbestos are in our air, water, and soil. But people who develop mesothelioma from asbestos are usually exposed to it on a regular basis, most often in a job where they work directly with the asbestos-containing material, or through substantial environmental contact.  This can include people who work in schools and hospitals and government buildings, especially those built before 1979.  More likely to jump to mind are people in such professions as veterans, demolition workers, drywall removers, asbestos removal workers, firefighters, and automobile workers. Studies evaluating the cancer risk experienced by automobile mechanics exposed to asbestos through brake repair are limited, but the overall evidence suggests there is no safe level of asbestos exposure.

Generally, those who develop asbestos-related diseases show no signs of illness for a long time after their first exposure. It can take from 10 to 40 years or more for symptoms of an asbestos-related condition to appear. 

There is some evidence that family members of workers heavily exposed to asbestos face an increased risk of developing meso. This risk is thought to result from exposure to asbestos fibers brought into the home on the shoes, clothing, skin, and hair of workers.

How are asbestos-related diseases detected?  Individuals who have been exposed (or suspect they have been exposed) to asbestos fibers on the job, through the environment, or at home via a family contact should inform their doctor about their exposure history and whether or not they experience any symptoms. The symptoms of asbestos-related diseases may not become clear for many decades after the exposure, but it is particularly important to check with a doctor if any of the following symptoms develop:
  • Shortness of breath, wheezing, or hoarseness.
  • A persistent cough that gets worse over time.
  • Blood in the sputum (fluid) coughed up from the lungs.
  • Pain or tightening in the chest.
  • Difficulty swallowing.
  • Swelling of the neck or face.
  • Loss of appetite.
  • Weight loss.
  • Fatigue or anemia
This last one, fatigue or anemia, is something PMDD women feel all too often.  Mesothelioma is on the rise in women, mostly through secondary contact with clothing or items of loved ones that have asbestos fibers on them.  I'm not usually one to subscribe to the politics of fear, but if you work in an environment where asbestos is present, or live with someone who does so and comes in contact with it regularly, please be aware of the danger it presents, and the possibility you could have more than PMDD.

For more information, please go here.  Tell Heather I sent you.



Sunday, August 24, 2014

The Voices of PMDD, Bearing our Crosses

My marriage of 15 years is one in which my wife has only in the last five years realized that this "might be PMS," and only discovered the identity of PMDD in the last two years.  In hindsight, I can see elements of PMS or PMDD even in our dating relationship but over the years we both attributed those elements to something more akin to an assertive personality.

After the birth of our last child, a time that coincided with some family financial distress, she began losing her ability to hold on to reality.  Whatever the first cause, I am losing my ability to hang on too.

Her statements speak of great, deep darkness.  She can see no hope.  She speaks of a switch that goes off and on but she is often unable to identify that it is on PMDD for several days.  By then much damage has been done.

As honestly as I can assess the situation, I am not an "unsupportive" husband.  I have learned, however, that support is not usually offering solutions.  She mostly needs someone to listen and be present with her.  Being present, though, means reminding her by my mere presence of the multiplicity of faults and results in my being berated and hearing about how I have made everything hopeless. 

I try to serve but in these times everything is wrong including what I might choose to do to help.  I have gotten to the point where my mind is swimming and I cannot focus on anything much at all in or out of PMDD time.  She has a switch, I do not.  She goes back to normal and wonders why I am so moody.  In her better times, she is sympathetic and apologetic.

We are both working on it.  She is trying to find solutions; I am trying to stay close as long as possible and take as many blows as I can without crumbling.  We are both bearing our crosses.